Nobodys First

Megan's birthday was amazingly fun. I wish it could be like that forever, i mean, there was basically no drama, except for a few clothing issues :P I felt special there, i felt wanted. Back home i feel like shit. I'm always the one asking my friends to hang, its as if they don't really want to hang with me. You should've seen the smile on my face when megan asked me to hand the other day, it was the first time someone had asked me in a long time. Anyways, idk if i've said this before, but i just feel like i'm not first on anyone's list. My friends all have people theyd pick first to hang out with, or talk to, or if they cld only bring ONE person. I'm nobodys first. I Also feel as if my friends don't know me at all. I can never tell them this because then they yell at me. Tell me i'm making it all up and that they do care, but then it just continues on. I know Meggie didnt mean it but it broke Nellie and I's heart when she told us we couldnt go to the jobros concert AFTER she had invited us. In the car all my friends were talking about the All Time Low concert, i asked if i could go and was immediatly shut down. As they talked about it for the next 15 minutes i sat there holding back the tears. When i asked again i was once again shut down. Then when they turn it around, tweeting they hate people, i'm assuming they hate me, making me feel like everything is my fault, i did everything wrong, just as Grishko used to do.I love my friends and I don't want to loose them, i'm sure theyll read this but then again, they haven't been on in months. I feel like i can't tell them anything anymore about my family or my life, i just get yelled or mocked. If you can't talk to ur friends, then who can u talk to?????